Looking Back My Hotel Work

When it comes to working in a hotel, you must face a lot of things which are funny, weird, unbelievable, terrible, pleasant, sad, happy.....etc. (I think any adjective can fit here.) Today I will tell you about a weird experience I had while working for a hotel many years ago.

One day a man in his 50's came to the hotel with his wife from the UAE. They stayed in the hotel for a week. The man asked me to arrange a taxi so that he and his wife could go sightseeing. I asked him and his wife to have a seat while I made a call to the taxi company. While making a call, the man saw my name tag that had my name and title. He was very surprised to see me (a foreigner) working there. What was more, he told me when he had been in college in America 30 years before, he had dated a girl of my nationality. He then said, "I am very emotional after seeing you. I suddenly remember my girlfriend. She was such a wonderful lady and we really had a good time in America.You have a resemblance to her." So, I said to him, "Have you met her ever since?". "Yes, I met her when I visited **** (my country) 10 years ago. She is married now and a mother of 2 children." With his wife right in front of me, I didn't want to make further questions but he was talking about his girlfriend so openly that I assumed that his wife was quite fine with his past. I felt a little bad talking to the man only, so I turned to his wife, asking what she was interested in doing during her stay in the hotel, when I found out she didn't understand English. Her husband was an interpreter for me and his wife.

We had a pleasant time talking to one another but in the end our conversation ended in the weirdest way!! He said to me, "Seeing you, a girl from **** (my country), I remember that great time I had with my ex-girlfriend in America. I feel I want to take a ***** (my nationality) girl with me when I go to Europe next month. Don't you know anybody? All expenses will be paid and she will have to be with me for 3 months." I was shocked to hear him saying that so casually. As a hotel staff, I should never be rude with any kind of questions from a guest, so I politely said, "Oh, I am sorry, sir but I am afraid I don't know anybody." If his wife sitting next to him had understood what he said to me, do you think she would have been all right? I don't think so. I can't believe that he had a nerve to mention it in front of his wife. For me he was just taking an advantage of her not being able to understand English. I give him the benefit of the doubt and think he just wanted someone from my country to accompany him to Europe (Nothing more but "accompany him" only), I still don't think it is normal for an ordinary married man to do . I just felt his wife was not respected much. She was in her black hijab and abaya, AND even niqab. I think this lady deserved more respect from her husband.

More weird stories to follow in my next blog. Next will be a young Iranian man who came with his father and proposed to me out of the blue!!

Unbelievable Manners

Today I went to an Arabic restaurant. It was not a fancy restaurant at all. I had Kabsa Laham, fatoush and a coke, which cost me US$9 only. (You can see how unpretentious the place is.) While I was enjoying my lunch with my husband, a very young Arab couple came into the restaurant. The lady looked very pretty and stylish with a pink hijab, tight jeans and a nice shirt on, while the man (I assume he was her husband) was very tall and handsome, and the couple seemed match-made-in-heaven to me in appearance. They took a seat at the table right next to us.

The man and his wife were cheerfully talking to each other (sometimes laughing loudly) while waiting for their lunch. When I almost finished my lunch, the man dropped his fork on the floor that had been nicely placed on the table by a waiter. Dropping a fork is not a problem here. I'm now going to tell you what was a problem today. I understand if it was a fine dining, he could have expected to get the royal treatment from waiters and waited for a waiter to come and pick up the fork but as I said, it was the restaurant where you can have full meal with US$9. Some children were running around and others enjoying shisha. There was even no non-smoking section. we could smoke wherever we liked. If I were this Arab man, I would pick up the fork right away and ask a waiter to change it with a new one. You know what happened? This is the real problem today. He looked down the fork on the floor for a second but ignored it and kept talking to his wife. The attentive waiter who was standing at the entrance area came to pick it up right away. Here is what I couldn't believe. Neither the man nor the lady said "Thank you" to the waiter.

After we left the restaurant, I said to my husband, "Did you see that? Unbelievable!!" He understood what I meant though I didn't say anything. Saying "Thank you" is not something we force ourselves to say but we must say it unconditionally when someone does a favor for you. In today's situation, the waiter surely deserved being said "Thank you" by the Arab man. Just for your information, apparently the waiter looked much older than the Arab man or his wife. Back home, they might not need to do anything like picking up things from the floor, cleaning a room, doing laundry...etc., which are taken care of by their housekeepers maybe. They maybe follow the table etiquette they were taught; if you drop a utensil, leave it where it fell on the floor and ask the waiter to bring you a new one. They simply followed the table manners they had been taught scrupulously. If so, it was fine. What bothered me so much was that neither of them said "Thank you" to the waiter who bent down to pick up the fork. They kept talking as if the waiter wasn't there.

The couple looked no longer handsome/beautiful. It is none of my business but if young Arab people are like this, I can't help thinking what will be the fate of Arab in the future.

Is Science first class and Art second??

In the conversation with a person whom you have just met, you usually include harmless topics like where you live, what kind of job you do, how many children you have (if married)...etc. Some people ask me what I studied in college. A few months ago, I was introduced to a 29 year old pretty Saudi girl from Riyadh. She is married and has 2 children. We asked each other how many years we had stayed in this country...etc. (We both live here as foreigners)

She told me she loved Animation or Manga since I am from the country which is famous for its production and that she wanted to study it after she finished high school and here is exactly what she said. "You know my parents are both doctors and wanted me to study not that kind of stuff but something else and I studied computer science." If I hadn't had a conversation with my friend, Faisal a few months back, I couldn't have understood the link between her parents' job and her not being able to pursue animation in college in spite of her interest in it.

Faisal explained to me how the educational system goes in Arab. For many people, regardless your interest, if you are very smart, you are encouraged to go to medical school. If you are smart, you are advised to study engineering. If you are not smart, you have no choice to go to science course in college but to art course. Faisal told me he studied engineering though he wanted to study history but his family pushed him to go to an engineering school. The same thing happened to some of his friends. Well, I have my degree from art field, so I asked Faisal. "Does it mean once an Arab knows what I studied in college, he concludes I am not smart enough?". Faisal said "Most probably". Actually I don't care what kind of judgment Arab people make on me. I just think it is a crazy system where people's interest is not much reflected in the process of deciding what study they want to pursue. I hope the explanation given by Faisal was just an extreme example in Arab.

Back to the conversation with the pretty Saudi lady....
So, after she looked so proud of having studied computer science, not Manga and I thought she wanted to be just kind to me, a person from Manga country by saying she loved Manga so much as to want to study but it turned out rather RUDE to me. From the way she said I could feel the field of Manga is not considered something great in her society as a study subject and I felt it was lower kind of study compared to other scientific fields like medicine, engineering...etc. I wasn't happy at all with the way she said it. If she hadn't said it proudly, I would have said right away "Oh, I feel sorry that you couldn't study Manga that you really wanted to study" but seeing her so proud, I swallowed it. Everybody has different interest and it is the best if one can pursue his study based on his interest and this interest has no superiority or inferiority. All art fields of study should be considered as highly as other science fields. For me, it is such a shame and so unbearable if a person has to pursue what he is not interested in. I wish I had had the guts to say to the Saudi girl "Why can't a daughter of doctor parents study Manga? Is there anything wrong?" but I knew sadly that my point and her point would never cross becasue I didn't think she could understand that Manga is as a great field of study as science field, especially in the world where she doesn't live. My real point is that she should stop and think about the situation where she can't even choose and go for what she really wants to do in her life based on her interest. She may say to me "It is none of your business" becasue she herself might be considering Manga as lower kind of studying field than that of computer science but she thought she was being just nice and modest in front of me and I want to say it is wrong!

Regrettable Moment

The other day I experienced a regrettable moment as Muslim convert. I made friends with a 19 year old Saudi girl who was so young and cheerful that I couldn't help feeling generation gap between me and her. In the beginning I was enjoying getting to know about this teenage girl. She knew I was not born Muslim but converted through marriage. Her questions really startled me.
Here are 2 conversations that took place.

1
"You were not Muslim before marriage."
"No, I wasn't. I didn't have my religion"
"Oh, so sad... poor thing"

2
"So, you used to eat pork?."
"Yes"
"What did it taste like?"
"It is just meat. Not too good, not too bad"
"......" (She said nothing but frowning, looking disgusted)

1
There is nothing to be sad about. Many people in my country are just like me and they are very happy being that way. I am not proud that we don't have religion to follow that can be guidelines of life. What I didn't like was that she acted in a way that Islam was superior to any other religion. There are many Muslims who think like her but I hate their attitude. As Muslim convert, this is a very sensitive matter. Those non-Muslims do not need to show how they feel about other religion by saying "Poor thing". Very very judgmental. I am not asking the 19 year old girl to change her religion or anything. I just wanted her to accept the fact as it was without making judgment with her own ruler. We (people in my country) would never say it is so sad to someone who says"I am Muslim". I think it is just a matter of respect. I know this girl doesn't represent Islam but I feel very tired with this closed mentality when I meet someone like her.

2

I just want to say "What is wrong in eating pork when I was non Muslim?" It was rather rude of her to frwon. I don't care what she thought but do not frown, please. I know for you pork is yucky but there are many people in this world who eat it and do not question anything about eating it. I am not telling you to eat it but just accept the difference with respect.

The girl seemed hip and stylish in the beginning but after the above conversation, I felt myself younger in a point that I can be still flexible to accept many new ideas and differences. It is scary that a young girl like her already has formed a certain way of thinking which is fixed and unchangeable. She said that she has no non-Muslim friends, which was another startling comment for me especially here where people with different religions coexist. It is almost impossible for people here not to mix with others with different religions from theirs and yet she is doing it. I think it is something!

When I meet someone like her, for a moment I regret and tell myself "Why did I choose to be Muslim? I don't want to be like her" Again, she is not representing Islam but I have met some other people like her and I have to feel tired every time after talking to them.

After regretting for a while, I become a proud Muslim again.

I always want to be a good person before being Muslim. It does't make any sense to me if a person is Muslim and not a good person.

I am Open Minded

I don't really like when a person says,"I am open minded" especially if the person is describing himself. I believe "Open minded" is the word to be used by others (not by himself) when they describe a person who can listen to others without prejudice and accept differences.

I always wonder why a person has to use the term "open minded" to describe himself. I have met many people from various countries in my life and here is my observation. I am not exaggerating but from my experience Arab men are the ones who say "I am an open minded person" more than anyone else. Since my husband is Arab, I have a lot of opportunities to meet Arab people and in fact many of them have said "I am open mined" during conversation. Every time I hear an Arab man say this, I feel like asking him "What is the meaning of "open minded" for you? but of course, I don't want to be rude and mean, so I just continue talking until the end, when I often end up thinking "You are not an open minded person."

This is just my opinion and I'm going to write what I felt from my own experience, so I could be very wrong but let me tell you what I think. I think many Arab Muslim men interpret "open minded" as "not fanatic" or "not religious" as well as "casual". I think they should avoid using the term "open minded". No other people use the word of "open minded" as much as Arab people in describing about themselves. When someone from Arab says "I am open minded", I always feel he means to say "I am not religious". I observed many Arab people and have reached this conclusion; they use the term"open minded" for those (including themselves) who are very casual and not that religious. For me "open minded" and "religious" have totally different meanings. I may be wrong but I always feel Arab men want to tell that they are not religious by saying "I am open minded". I feel they are afraid of being taken as fanatic men and it seems a little ironic to me that the Arabs who are very much proud of their religion and gives the impression to the world that their religion is solid want to look less religious.

In my country when we say "Oh, that man is religious", there is no negative meaning included. Rather, we use the word "religious" as compliment for a person who can listen to others well and accept differences by gaining an insight in life through the religion.When my mother says "He is religious", what she means is that he is a man with definite principles who is respected as a person of high moral character. However, when Arab people say "That man is very religious", I can feel full of negative sense from it. Maybe it is just a matter of language but I always want to say "What is wrong with being religious? Isn't it something that a person should be proud of?"

I want to say if a person is truly open minded, he doesn't need to mention it for himself because others surly know about it automatically without being told by anyone. For me, "open minded" mentioned by Arab people seems like a tool to make them look less religious and more casual. I have never found a real open minded person among those who said to me "I am an open minded person" to describe himself, while I have met some wonderful Arabs who are religious and at the same time very open minded but they never said to me "I'm open minded". If I am asked, I need more than a few seconds to figure out how to say "open minded" in my language because I have never used the term to describe myself and also we don't use it as often as Arab people do. This is because it doesn't happen so often that we meet a person who deserves to be called "Open minded".

Shocking Question from My Arab Female Friend

I received a call from my Arab female friend. She calls me when she has problems with her boyfriend. She is even afraid of telling her Arab friends because having a boy/girlfriend is neither in their culture nor acceptable to them. Since I am from a country where it is perfectly normal to have a boy/girlfriend, I believe it is easy for her to talk to me about this matter. I am usually happy to help her by giving her some advice or just listening to her when she needs to talk to me over her problems with her boyfriend. She always says that she can't tell anybody but me, which makes me feel I am special to her. However, a question like today's one doesn't make me feel I am special. It rather made me feel stupid to deal with such a question.

"Do you know any place where I can have an operation to restore hymen? "

I know how important it is for unmarried women to be virgin in Arabic countries before marriage, so first, I thought she was forced to have sex against her will like rape or something. No, she wasn't. What she said was that she had never had an intercourse with her boyfriend yet but now was ready to have it if she could find a clinic that could perform that kind of operation. I know in Arab, there are girls who go for this operation but for me it is hard to believe that the girl I was talking on the phone was already thinking of having to go for the operation even before she had any intercourse with her boyfriend. If she told me that she wanted to have the operation because she had an undesirable intercourse with someone else and was afraid her future husband would find it out, considering Arabic society, it would have been more understanding to me. However, no matter what the reason can be, the operation to restore hymen seems ridiculous to me. For me, lying on the operation table with your legs fully open to restore hymen would sound more humiliating than losing virginity if I was an Arab woman. I really didn't understand my friend. I wanted to tell her what was the point of having sex if you were already thinking of restoration of hymen in a clinic but my head was full of thinking "How can I make her realize what she is thinking is nonsense." I said "you thinking about the operation at this stage means that you are not really ready to have sex with your boyfriend. If you are sure to marry him, why do you have to consider the operation?" This answer was the best answer I could come up with for her. She said "Just in case....I know I am going to marry him but if, if I don't, I must be virgin for my future husband" If she was from my country, this couldn't be an issue. No one would care whether she is virgin or not. Or most people take it for granted that a girl of her age is not a virgin. I wonder why it has to be so important to be virgin or not.

I get confused standing between my own culture and Arabic culture, and I am afraid I am giving some wrong advice to her. I hope I said the right thing this time. For me it is just so crazy that she already thinks that she will have to go to a clinic for the operation to restore hymen by paying money after she sleeps with the man she thinks she loves. I just didn't want her to do it so I just put the most effective ending to her question. I said "Oh, I have no idea where that kind of clinic is. Maybe no such clinic exists in this country" Then, she put down the phone a little disappointed, saying "If I am in any Arabic country, it won't be hard for me to find one but here I have never heard of it and I was expecting you knew it." I wanted to say "I don't need to know or never would I need to know even if I was single and no longer virgin" I am not sure if she knows what it is like for a woman to see a gynecologist. I still remember the first time I went to my gynecologist. It wasn't a pleasant experience and I believe it is the same with all women including married women, just like me.

After talking to her, I felt so tired somehow. I thought about her question over and over again in my head. I came up with the best answer now. I should say to her "Do what you would allow your future daughter to do" and I want to say to her boyfriend "Treat her in a way that you would want your future daughter to be treated by her boyfriend." Isn't is a good piece of advice?? If my friend can accept the idea that her future daughter goes for the hymen restoration operation after having sex with her boyfriend, I have nothing to say. I just say to her "Good luck and enjoy!"

I would never want my daughter to go for such a kind of operation. I will be happy she will find her boyfriend for herself when she is mature. If she wants to marry him after knowing him for a while, I want her to live with him for 6 months to a year because she may find something unexpected by only living together, which she should know before marrying him.....or if she can't accept them, she'd better walk away from him to find a better one for herself. I know many of you may be against my idea but this is what I really think and I accept your criticism. Yes, I am a bad Muslimah.

I hope I will not get another question of the same kind from her.

Pleasant Saudi man (Part3-End)

Oh, my gooood! I met Mohamed and his wife Sarah!! It is only a month since they got married. I have never seen such a happy couple as them in my life. Two years have already passed since I saw Mohamed. When I saw him last, he was still a single man who was determined to marry Sarah and this time he was indeed with Sarah as her husband. They told me that Sarah had to pretend as if it was the first time to see Mohamed when he came to see her family to ask her father for her hand because they were not supposed to know each other. After Mohamed visited her family, Sarah meant to take 3 weeks before she accepted his marriage proposal. Of course, she wanted to say "YES" right at that spot when Mohamed was there but she followed Saudi way! Her father still doesn't know and will not know that they had been in love with each other for 3 years before this marriage took place. I was happy to see them very happy to be with each other. Mohamed's family who knew their son was in love with Sarah was very supportive. He said without his family's help, he couldn't have married Sarah. I have seen many Saudi couples who had arranged marriage at the time of their honeymoon as I worked for a hotel where many Saudi couples came for honeymoon. There is no comparison between them and other Saudi couples I saw in my life. They are at the peak of their happiness. I hope more and more Saudi people marry like them to taste the meaning of love from the beginning of marriage and what it is like to marry someone that you love. I strongly believe where there is a will, there is a way. Mohamed and Sara's case was a good example. They proved it. In such a place as Saudi Arabia where the Mutawa are walking around, I want to say it out loud that this happy love marriage could and did happen there. I am sure there are those Saudis who want to say "This kind of marriage is not right. I don't want my daughter or son to marry this way." but if they really really think of their daughter or son's happiness, they should be wise. I think it is time for parents to realize "Parents' happiness is not always their children's happiness. They have to think about children's happiness first before their own happiness when it comes to marriage." I believe it is not haram for parents to make their child's love marriage look like arranged marriage just to fit in the Saudi social code if necessary. Of course, it would be better if love marriage is accepted as it is one day. I want to see more and more Saudi couples like Mohamed and Sarah. Congratulations!!