By the way a few days before I met Mohamed (See August 9 blog) in the hotel where he was staying, a 20 year old Saudi woman who was staying in the same hotel on her honeymoon committed suicide by jumping off from her room window. I read the news in the papers but it didn’t say much of the details. When I took a taxi to go to the hotel to see Mohamed, the taxi driver told me this: the Saudi woman’s husband arranged the transportation from the hotel to go downtown to look for a woman with a taxi driver who could speak Arabic. His wife woke up in the middle of the night to find him gone from the bed panicked and called him at his mobile, asking where he was. It seemed right after this his wife committed suicide. The taxi driver who was with this Saudi man at that time was a friend of the driver’s who gave me a ride to the hotel. I felt so much pain toward this young lady who could have had longer happier life if she had not married this evil man.
The story told by the driver may be a little exaggerated but I think the story is very probable because I have seen similar cases in a hotel where I worked for 2 years. I met many nice Arab tourists, while I met some Arabs very hard to understand. Many of them came to the hotel on their honeymoon. I knew it because many Arab men usually mention it at the time of checking in. One night a Saudi male guest approached me in the lobby. He wanted to get my help to plan what he could do with his wife for the next few days. He said he was newly married and that he didn’t want his wife to get bored during their honeymoon. He couldn’t take much time with me in planning as he wanted to go back to the room before his wife finished taking a shower. It seemed that he didn’t want to show his wife his worries about the honeymoon. I was very happy to make a quick suggestion on a few places for them to visit and saw him off. He turned into a confident man who was sure that his wife would not get bored for the next few days. I was ready and happy to offer this kind of help anytime while working in the hotel.
However, I sometimes faced unfavorable situations with Arab guests. Not only Arabs but other races came to the hotel on honeymoon but this happened only with Arab men. Though Arab men mentioned they were here on their honeymoon, they had no shame to ask hotel staff where they could go for drinking or looking for women. If they wanted to drink, I always wanted to say “Take your wife with you”. I didn’t care if they wanted to enjoy what was forbidden for them to do back home but I simply couldn’t stand the idea that they didn’t mind leaving their wives alone in a hotel room in a foreign country without letting her know where he was going. What was worse, they had no shame to ask me where they could find prostitutes.
How dare they could ask me such a question on their honeymoon with their wives sleeping in the hotel rooms!? Unbelievable!! I really think I can write a book about nice Arab guests and weird Arab guests!! There are more stories to come in the future blog!! Some of them are too funny or strange for you to believe!!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Pleasant Saudi Man
The country where I live is full of Arab tourists around this time of the year. I have a very good Saudi friend, Fawziah whom I have known since 1999, when she was here with her husband on their honeymoon. I met them again here in 2005 and last year her brother, Mohamed came with his mother on holidays. Although I hadn’t met them before, Fawziah emailed me and arranged for me to see them during their visit here. I was so happy to see my good friend’s family members.
Fawziah’s brother, Mohamed was such a pleasant young man. He was in the last year in his university in Saudi Arabia. I had a great time talking to Mohamed for a couple of hours. Since I couldn’t communicate well with his mother, I mostly talked to him and when it was necessary, he was an interpreter between his mother and me. Though it was the first time we met each other, we didn’t feel like that as I and he had had information on each other from Fawziah. We talked about a lot of things that might not be usually discussed at the first meeting. Before I met him, I was a little nervous as I was going to see a Saudi man. I read many books about Saudi Arabia that gave me some unpleasant image about Saudi men. He was far from being such an unpleasant man as was described in the books. On the contrary, he was far better than any other Arab male friends that I know. It is no strange to my culture that I ask a male or female friend if s/he has a boy/girlfriend. So, I asked him if he had someone special. Actually this conversation took place in the most natural way in the course of our conversation as our topic was about marriage. Mohamed said that he wanted to get a job, marry and settle down right after he finished his university, while his mother said Mohamed was too young for that. I also agreed with his mother as I believed his age, 21 was still young for marriage. However, it suddenly occurred to me that to make him think like this, there must be a legitimate reason for him. So, I asked him if he had someone special in his mind. He said, “Yes, I do. The string tied around my wrist was from her, which my mother doesn’t know” without even looking at it! Both I and Mohamed were bad enough to take advantage of his mother not being able to understand English well. I assumed that the string was like lucky charm given to him from the girl he loved. I didn’t make any further questions in front of the mother in case she could sense something from our talk I didn’t want to put Mohamed in a bad situation as it seemed that he wasn’t ready to let his secret out yet. He also said that she was the right one for him and that he would not consider marrying anyone else but her.
When I heard this spoken from the mouth of the Saudi man, I felt somehow very very happy. I wanted to admire his strong will and healthy thought toward his marriage in spite of the environment that didn’t welcome such kind of thought as his. What is normal in some places is abnormal in other places, and Mohamed’s case may apply to “abnormal” category in Saudi Arabia where arranged marriage has higher value than love marriage. Mohamed told me that his brother and his wife married by love marriage but their families tried to make the marriage look like “arranged marriage”. For me, this marriage sounded a bit tricky but if that was the way their marriage was welcomed and accepted by their society without creating problem or gossip, let it be so. They are happily married still now and I think that is the most important. I want to say, “Let Saudi parents use whatever tricks they need to use to make their children’s love marriage look arranged marriage” because this kind of tricky marriage is still healthier and happier than marriage where 2 strangers are arranged to marry without knowing each other or feeling enough love for each other.
Meeting Mohamed lightened up my view of Saudi men. He has just finished his university and got a job in a bank. I hope he will marry the lady who gave him the string!!
Fawziah’s brother, Mohamed was such a pleasant young man. He was in the last year in his university in Saudi Arabia. I had a great time talking to Mohamed for a couple of hours. Since I couldn’t communicate well with his mother, I mostly talked to him and when it was necessary, he was an interpreter between his mother and me. Though it was the first time we met each other, we didn’t feel like that as I and he had had information on each other from Fawziah. We talked about a lot of things that might not be usually discussed at the first meeting. Before I met him, I was a little nervous as I was going to see a Saudi man. I read many books about Saudi Arabia that gave me some unpleasant image about Saudi men. He was far from being such an unpleasant man as was described in the books. On the contrary, he was far better than any other Arab male friends that I know. It is no strange to my culture that I ask a male or female friend if s/he has a boy/girlfriend. So, I asked him if he had someone special. Actually this conversation took place in the most natural way in the course of our conversation as our topic was about marriage. Mohamed said that he wanted to get a job, marry and settle down right after he finished his university, while his mother said Mohamed was too young for that. I also agreed with his mother as I believed his age, 21 was still young for marriage. However, it suddenly occurred to me that to make him think like this, there must be a legitimate reason for him. So, I asked him if he had someone special in his mind. He said, “Yes, I do. The string tied around my wrist was from her, which my mother doesn’t know” without even looking at it! Both I and Mohamed were bad enough to take advantage of his mother not being able to understand English well. I assumed that the string was like lucky charm given to him from the girl he loved. I didn’t make any further questions in front of the mother in case she could sense something from our talk I didn’t want to put Mohamed in a bad situation as it seemed that he wasn’t ready to let his secret out yet. He also said that she was the right one for him and that he would not consider marrying anyone else but her.
When I heard this spoken from the mouth of the Saudi man, I felt somehow very very happy. I wanted to admire his strong will and healthy thought toward his marriage in spite of the environment that didn’t welcome such kind of thought as his. What is normal in some places is abnormal in other places, and Mohamed’s case may apply to “abnormal” category in Saudi Arabia where arranged marriage has higher value than love marriage. Mohamed told me that his brother and his wife married by love marriage but their families tried to make the marriage look like “arranged marriage”. For me, this marriage sounded a bit tricky but if that was the way their marriage was welcomed and accepted by their society without creating problem or gossip, let it be so. They are happily married still now and I think that is the most important. I want to say, “Let Saudi parents use whatever tricks they need to use to make their children’s love marriage look arranged marriage” because this kind of tricky marriage is still healthier and happier than marriage where 2 strangers are arranged to marry without knowing each other or feeling enough love for each other.
Meeting Mohamed lightened up my view of Saudi men. He has just finished his university and got a job in a bank. I hope he will marry the lady who gave him the string!!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Poor Sarah
Today I saw a photo of Ahmad forwarded by my friend. He is an Arab who used to live here and moved to Canada 3 years ago. A close friend of my husband’s once invited me and my husband to dinner where Ahmad and his girlfriend, Sarah were also invited. Ahmad didn’t introduce Sarah to us properly, so we dared not to ask him who she was. Sarah was obviously Muslim as she was wearing a head scarf. She told me she had learned to cook Arabic food for Ahmad and that the head scarf she was wearing was a gift from Ahmad’s brother. I didn’t care if she was married to Ahmad. Anyway she acted like she was Ahmad’s wife.
One year went by. I learned from my husband’s friend who had invited us to dinner that Ahmad left Sarah here and immigrated to Canada. He also told me that Sarah was in bad shape as she missed Ahmad so much. I simply couldn’t believe that Ahmad didn’t even consider taking Sarah to Canada. What I felt angry was that a few months after Ahmad moved to Canada, he went back home. His family had chosen a few girls for him so that he could choose his wife among them. When he came back to Canada, he brought his wife with him. Now they have a baby. Ahmad’s wife would never know about Sarah whose life was destroyed by her insincere husband.
Ahmad is not the only one that has done this kind of thing. I know at least 2 more Arab men who did the same thing. I always wonder if they have any guilt. The strangest thing about these men is that they always end up marrying a woman from the same country and that they demand a virgin wife, which makes me laugh always. The men are not virgin and yet they demand virgin girls. That is sick mentality of Arabs. When I see them praying, I always think “You don’t go to heaven definitely.”
One year went by. I learned from my husband’s friend who had invited us to dinner that Ahmad left Sarah here and immigrated to Canada. He also told me that Sarah was in bad shape as she missed Ahmad so much. I simply couldn’t believe that Ahmad didn’t even consider taking Sarah to Canada. What I felt angry was that a few months after Ahmad moved to Canada, he went back home. His family had chosen a few girls for him so that he could choose his wife among them. When he came back to Canada, he brought his wife with him. Now they have a baby. Ahmad’s wife would never know about Sarah whose life was destroyed by her insincere husband.
Ahmad is not the only one that has done this kind of thing. I know at least 2 more Arab men who did the same thing. I always wonder if they have any guilt. The strangest thing about these men is that they always end up marrying a woman from the same country and that they demand a virgin wife, which makes me laugh always. The men are not virgin and yet they demand virgin girls. That is sick mentality of Arabs. When I see them praying, I always think “You don’t go to heaven definitely.”
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Secret meeting between Arab and Iran
I met my Arab friend, Hana last week in a fast food restaurant in a shopping mall. She brought her Iranian boyfriend, Hussein to introduce him to me. I had heard a lot about him from her before but it was the first time that I met him. We spent a few hours talking and talking to one another.
I was very happy to see Hana being very happy with him but at the same time I feel sorry for them. They try their best to avoid the possibility of bumping into their friends whenever and herever they meet. Considering Arabic and Iranian cultures, if someone that they know sees them being together, it can be a big gossip next day among Arabic and Iranian communities here. So, though they love to see each other as much as they can, they are never free from the fear that someone may be watching them. I wish there were some stress-free way for them to see each other. If I were Hana, I would not care what other people say but I may be able to say this as I am not Arab. Since Hana lives with her brother, she feels very afraid that her brother will find it out through his friends somehow. I know there is no such relation as boyfriend-girlfriend in Arabic countries or Iran. To be precise, there should be but it is not simply approved by their societies. Seeing Hana, I am very happy that she experiences a relation with someone special though they always have to be afraid of being spotted by others. To my eyes this kind of relation is very normal for college students like them. They are considering getting married in a peaceful way in the future but it is long way to go. Hana says that she would be forsaken by her family if they knew that she is seeing Hussein now.
I’m familiar with Arabic culture as my husband is from the same country as Hana. I can’t do anything with it but I always wish that there were a healthier way for a man and a woman to get to know each other. When I meet Arab people who show no sympathy and right away criticize such a relation as Hana and Hussein are having now, I always feel like saying, “Haven’t you ever fallen in love with someone?” I think they miss one of the greatest things in life. Or…maybe they feel the same way as I do but are not strong enough to express their true feelings against their culture. Some say it is against Islam but I who always respect peoples’ feelings first more than anything else still believe that there is a way for a man and woman to see each other in a way Islam allows. I hope Hana and Hussein will find a stress-free way of seeing each other and that their relation will lead them to happy marriage one day. Even if they were to break up one day, I would be still proud of Hana who has experienced the relation and known what it is to love someone, which many Arab people don’t know.
I was very happy to see Hana being very happy with him but at the same time I feel sorry for them. They try their best to avoid the possibility of bumping into their friends whenever and herever they meet. Considering Arabic and Iranian cultures, if someone that they know sees them being together, it can be a big gossip next day among Arabic and Iranian communities here. So, though they love to see each other as much as they can, they are never free from the fear that someone may be watching them. I wish there were some stress-free way for them to see each other. If I were Hana, I would not care what other people say but I may be able to say this as I am not Arab. Since Hana lives with her brother, she feels very afraid that her brother will find it out through his friends somehow. I know there is no such relation as boyfriend-girlfriend in Arabic countries or Iran. To be precise, there should be but it is not simply approved by their societies. Seeing Hana, I am very happy that she experiences a relation with someone special though they always have to be afraid of being spotted by others. To my eyes this kind of relation is very normal for college students like them. They are considering getting married in a peaceful way in the future but it is long way to go. Hana says that she would be forsaken by her family if they knew that she is seeing Hussein now.
I’m familiar with Arabic culture as my husband is from the same country as Hana. I can’t do anything with it but I always wish that there were a healthier way for a man and a woman to get to know each other. When I meet Arab people who show no sympathy and right away criticize such a relation as Hana and Hussein are having now, I always feel like saying, “Haven’t you ever fallen in love with someone?” I think they miss one of the greatest things in life. Or…maybe they feel the same way as I do but are not strong enough to express their true feelings against their culture. Some say it is against Islam but I who always respect peoples’ feelings first more than anything else still believe that there is a way for a man and woman to see each other in a way Islam allows. I hope Hana and Hussein will find a stress-free way of seeing each other and that their relation will lead them to happy marriage one day. Even if they were to break up one day, I would be still proud of Hana who has experienced the relation and known what it is to love someone, which many Arab people don’t know.
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